When your co-parent won't use the app
You cannot make your co-parent use a co-parenting app, and most of these apps — including ours — only do their job when both parents are in. What you can do is understand why they're refusing, change who's asking, and in the meantime keep a record of your own that works regardless.
Why they're refusing #
It's worth working out which of these it is, because the answer is different for each.
"This is about controlling me." The most common reason, and often sincere. An app proposed by the person you're in conflict with looks like a system they've chosen, on their terms, that monitors you. If this is it, nothing you say will fix it — because the problem is that it's you asking.
"Everything I say will be used against me." Half right, and worth answering honestly: yes, the record is permanent — and it's permanent in both directions. Everything they say is kept, and so is everything you say. Most people who fear a record are imagining a one-way one.
"Why would I pay for this?" Reasonable, and easy to answer if your app covers both parents on one subscription. If yours charges per parent, this objection is real and you may not win it.
"We don't need an app, we can just talk." Sometimes true. If you're on decent terms and things aren't going wrong, they may be right and you may be solving a problem you don't have yet.
Avoidance. Not a reasoned objection — just not wanting one more thing that makes the separation real. Often passes with time and no pressure at all.
What actually changes minds #
Let someone else ask. By far the most effective thing. A mediator, a solicitor or a Cafcass officer suggesting a shared record is a professional recommendation; you suggesting it is a demand. If you're in or near mediation, ask your mediator to raise it — it's a normal thing for them to propose and it lands completely differently.
Ask for the bit they'd want. Nobody wants "an app to record our communication". People do want to stop arguing about who has the children at half term. Propose the shared calendar and leave everything else alone.
Make the record cut both ways, out loud. "Neither of us can edit it, and it protects both of us" is more persuasive than any feature list — particularly to someone who feels they're the one being misrepresented.
Remove the cost. If one subscription covers both of you and you're paying it, say so plainly. It takes the transaction out of it.
Give it a trial with an exit. "Try it for the summer holidays, and if you hate it we'll stop." Time-limited and reversible is much easier to agree to than permanent.
Then stop asking. Repeated asking confirms the suspicion that it's about control. Ask twice, properly, then leave it. People often come back to an idea months later once it isn't being pushed.
If they still won't #
Keep your own contemporaneous record. A dated log of arrangements, changes, handovers and what was agreed — written at the time, not reconstructed later. It's one-sided by nature, and it's still considerably better than nothing. Consistency is what gives it weight. How to keep one →
Move as much as possible to written communication. Email or a messaging app you don't delete. After any phone call or doorstep conversation, send a short factual summary: "Just to confirm what we agreed: Thursday's pickup moves to 5.30 this week." Not to trap anyone — so that a week later there's a version you can both look at. If it's wrong, they'll correct it, which is also useful.
Put it in the plan. If you're building a parenting plan or heading to mediation, the plan can specify how you'll communicate. An agreed channel is much easier to raise there than in a text.
Don't use an app as a one-sided surveillance tool. Some apps offer a solo mode. Be honest about why you'd want one. If it's to keep your own arrangements straight, fine. If it's to build a case, that tends to show — in how you behave, in what it does to the conflict, and often in how it reads to a third party later.
Should you still buy one? #
Honestly: it depends on which app.
If it's priced per parent, don't. You'd be paying for half a product. Wait until they're in.
If one subscription covers both of you, it can still be worth it — the calendar, the cost records and the plan all work for you alone, and the moment they do join, everything is already set up rather than starting from nothing. But buy it for what it does for you now, not as a bet on them changing their mind.
And if things are going fine, don't buy anything. Plenty of separated parents manage with a shared calendar and normal messages. Come back if that stops working.
How OurPath handles this #
One subscription covers both parents — £129.99 a year for the family, not each — so the reluctant parent is never being asked to pay for something they didn't choose. That removes the objection we hear most.
It's also why we built for mediators first. When a mediator sets the plan up with both parents in the room at the end of a session, both accounts are live before anyone leaves, and the "will they join" problem never happens. If you're heading into mediation, that's by far the easiest route in.
We don't currently offer a surfaced solo mode, deliberately. We'd rather tell you the app needs both of you than sell you half of one.
Common questions #
Can I be made to use a particular app? A court can make orders about arrangements for children, and in some cases about how parents communicate. It's uncommon, and it isn't something to count on.
Does the other parent have to sign up for me to use it? For the shared parts, yes. The calendar and your own cost records work alone; messaging and the shared plan don't.
What if they join and then stop using it? Fairly common in the first month. Usually it's friction rather than refusal — notifications off, or not knowing where something is. Ask once what's not working before concluding anything.
They've agreed but say they won't pay. What then? With OurPath that doesn't arise — one subscription, whoever pays. If you'd like to share the cost, they can pay their share to us directly, so no money moves between you and no bank details are exposed.
General information. Not legal advice.